7 realities of being a pastor's wife
I recently read a blog called "Seven Inescapable Realities of Being a Pastor's Wife" (check out this blog, it hit the nail on the head. http://flourish.me/seven-inescapable-realities-of-being-a-pastors-wife/ ) These are all things I have already encountered in our 7 years of ministry.
I mean first off what woman doesn't want to be liked? And even more so what woman doesn't want to be liked by her church peers. (Oh don't give me that every woman compares herself to other women in the church and wants to be accepted. It is in our nature!) But not everyone is going to like you. The congregation may love your husband and think he is the best thing since sliced bread but it doesn't mean they are going to like you. No matter how hard you try. Which is hard for us as a pastor's wife to accept because "we" come as a package and if they like him they have to like me......not true. But remember this is a season. God has you there for a reason seek the reason and let him handle the rest.
While trying to be liked remember very few people will truly be who they are in front of you. Just expect that members will likely put on a front because they are afraid you are judging them. (but on the contrary you feel like the one being judged.)
I am very thankful that the 3 churches we have served at have not expected a lot of me. They willingly wanted me to be a wife and mother to my family and they let that be my main focus. But for so many other friends this is not the case. They are expected to be like circus monkies and perform to certain standards. (Know what the expectations for you are going into the job so you are not surprised.)
The next issue she covers is the one I am most passionate about. Having my every action watched and all of my children's actions watched. (Sometimes it feels like the picture below.) This is something other pastor's wives can not prepare you for. Every move you make will be watched, judged, scrutinized. Your children will be watched....are they running through the church.....are they paying attention.....are they there when the doors are open....do they participate in everything....these are just a few of the questions your children will face. They might be called PK's which is not bad but for your children it may set up an unrealistic expectation they feel they have to live up too.
No matter what you say or do you are NOT going to make everybody happy. It is impossible! I have found that things I say come across wrong and hurt others feelings, I do something which makes them angry, etc. I find myself on my knees a lot. I find that I cry out to Jesus daily about this.
Being part of the "package" is not easy. There are days I pray and cry out to Jesus are you sure you can use me....you want me to take what on.....you want me to do what. But there are days that are so rewarding that you don't even know what to say.
Ministry is hard. Leading a church is hard. Letting a congregation see your family at their worst is hard. But when you get to share the gospel and change lives.....it is worth it.
I mean first off what woman doesn't want to be liked? And even more so what woman doesn't want to be liked by her church peers. (Oh don't give me that every woman compares herself to other women in the church and wants to be accepted. It is in our nature!) But not everyone is going to like you. The congregation may love your husband and think he is the best thing since sliced bread but it doesn't mean they are going to like you. No matter how hard you try. Which is hard for us as a pastor's wife to accept because "we" come as a package and if they like him they have to like me......not true. But remember this is a season. God has you there for a reason seek the reason and let him handle the rest.
While trying to be liked remember very few people will truly be who they are in front of you. Just expect that members will likely put on a front because they are afraid you are judging them. (but on the contrary you feel like the one being judged.)
I am very thankful that the 3 churches we have served at have not expected a lot of me. They willingly wanted me to be a wife and mother to my family and they let that be my main focus. But for so many other friends this is not the case. They are expected to be like circus monkies and perform to certain standards. (Know what the expectations for you are going into the job so you are not surprised.)
The next issue she covers is the one I am most passionate about. Having my every action watched and all of my children's actions watched. (Sometimes it feels like the picture below.) This is something other pastor's wives can not prepare you for. Every move you make will be watched, judged, scrutinized. Your children will be watched....are they running through the church.....are they paying attention.....are they there when the doors are open....do they participate in everything....these are just a few of the questions your children will face. They might be called PK's which is not bad but for your children it may set up an unrealistic expectation they feel they have to live up too.
No matter what you say or do you are NOT going to make everybody happy. It is impossible! I have found that things I say come across wrong and hurt others feelings, I do something which makes them angry, etc. I find myself on my knees a lot. I find that I cry out to Jesus daily about this.
Being part of the "package" is not easy. There are days I pray and cry out to Jesus are you sure you can use me....you want me to take what on.....you want me to do what. But there are days that are so rewarding that you don't even know what to say.
Ministry is hard. Leading a church is hard. Letting a congregation see your family at their worst is hard. But when you get to share the gospel and change lives.....it is worth it.
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