Friend or Not?
This is one of my greatest struggles! As a PW, friends are few and far between. It is not that I (we) do not have any but I long for good friends not just people who want to be my friend because I am the pastor's wife. Being a PW can be such a lonely road and hard to walk along.
Since we have entered the ministry I have struggled with this. (here is a little back ground) We entered the ministry June 29, 2007. Keep in mind that we moved from our home town in TN where we had both grown up to a town in NC where we knew no one. So we went from having 25 couples in our Sunday school class that we saw 2 to 3 times a week (if not more) to nothing. (and as close as you are to people and no matter how many times they say they will come see you....lives are busy and time normally just doesn't permit time to travel to a place where friends live that is not really where you want to go) The day we moved in we met our wonderful neighbors in Fletcher Village who were all in the same boat we were but were also unsure of other people. We live in Fletcher Village for a year and made some great friendships (two that will last a life time) others we would consider aquaintences. We found that even though people are in the same situation as you they are afarid to get to close to you because eventually everyone will move, graduate, and loose touch so why make "close friendships".
As we began our first ministry position in December of 2007 we found that there are tons of people in your church who want to love you but they only want to love you on a church level and nothing more. Which is extremely sad to me! We were blessed to meet two wonderful people who wanted to love us/me on more than a church level. We have been friends with them since then and will be forever. When we left this church we really found out how a church level love for your family works. Out of 45 members we have only heard from 3. I have to say that when we started our ministry at that church I thought how wonderful it was to be in the ministry and be in a small church. However, my view soon began to change and it broke my heart because I guess I came in with a false sense of, I will have so many friends, people will love me and want to do things with me.....boy was I wrong.
In December 2009 we started our new and current ministry. I feel so blessed to be where I am but I still struggle with where I am. One thing Susie Hawkins says in her book is, Share Your Heart, but Use Your Head. So many times I long for friendships and the closeness of a good friend that I have to stop and remember that even though our congregation spends time with me and my family I am still seen through the lens of 'the pastor's wife'. Which can be a very dark lens at times.
Since we have entered the ministry I have struggled with this. (here is a little back ground) We entered the ministry June 29, 2007. Keep in mind that we moved from our home town in TN where we had both grown up to a town in NC where we knew no one. So we went from having 25 couples in our Sunday school class that we saw 2 to 3 times a week (if not more) to nothing. (and as close as you are to people and no matter how many times they say they will come see you....lives are busy and time normally just doesn't permit time to travel to a place where friends live that is not really where you want to go) The day we moved in we met our wonderful neighbors in Fletcher Village who were all in the same boat we were but were also unsure of other people. We live in Fletcher Village for a year and made some great friendships (two that will last a life time) others we would consider aquaintences. We found that even though people are in the same situation as you they are afarid to get to close to you because eventually everyone will move, graduate, and loose touch so why make "close friendships".
As we began our first ministry position in December of 2007 we found that there are tons of people in your church who want to love you but they only want to love you on a church level and nothing more. Which is extremely sad to me! We were blessed to meet two wonderful people who wanted to love us/me on more than a church level. We have been friends with them since then and will be forever. When we left this church we really found out how a church level love for your family works. Out of 45 members we have only heard from 3. I have to say that when we started our ministry at that church I thought how wonderful it was to be in the ministry and be in a small church. However, my view soon began to change and it broke my heart because I guess I came in with a false sense of, I will have so many friends, people will love me and want to do things with me.....boy was I wrong.
In December 2009 we started our new and current ministry. I feel so blessed to be where I am but I still struggle with where I am. One thing Susie Hawkins says in her book is, Share Your Heart, but Use Your Head. So many times I long for friendships and the closeness of a good friend that I have to stop and remember that even though our congregation spends time with me and my family I am still seen through the lens of 'the pastor's wife'. Which can be a very dark lens at times.
Oh my! Where do I start. Whitney is so right that ministry, while rewarding in so many ways can be a truly lonely place. Not only for the PW, but for the Pastor and the kids as well. It is hard for the kids to have close friendships for the same reason it is hard for the wifes to have them. It is just as hard for our husbands. I am thankful that my husband is my very best friend, but he is a man and as such, he cannot always understand my heart the way a woman friend can. Likewise, as a woman, I cannot always understand some of his stuggles because, well He's a guy!! I am thankful that my husband has a couple of fellow Pastors who are close friends whom he can confide in and I am thankful to have another Pastors wife with whom I can share my experiences and be my true self around without a worry of making a mistake or saying the wrong thing. It is extrememly hard to leave everything and everyone you know and follow God's call. The position of ministry makes it harder to build the kind of relationship that will last a lifetime. The best comfort is found in knowing that Jesus is the one friend who will always be there, not matter what, no matter when.
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